Self-Destruction In Mid-Air

If I told you I was not one with my body at this moment, would you laugh?  Would you tell me that "out-of-body" experiences are things of the mythical worlds?  I looked down at my life, today.  Down - not at.  It was...enlightening, to say the least.  How can one be so destructive?  So...bitter.  I don't remember getting this way.  Life has handed me so many things - of which I have made both fruit punch and lemonade.  And yet, I can't help but see how I am pushing everything away.  It's ridiculous to see how hard I have worked for some things, only to screw them up in the end.  What can one do at that point, though?  Do you look back and say, "Wow - that was a mistake."?  Or do you look back and say, "I don't actually regret that at all...despite what one might think."?  And if you think the latter, what does that mean?  It's not that I don't value these things in my life.  I do - whole heartedly.  So, maybe the issue isn't that I don't care.  Maybe the issue is that I care too much.  Maybe it hurts too much to lose these things on something other than my own accord.  Maybe it's just easier this way.